Hotel Horror
by MercuryRain
Summary: Rating for Inuyasha's potty mouth and Miroku's potty mind. Kagome's school has taken a summer vacation at Hojo's family's hotel. But vacation is going to be anything but relaxing with Inuyasha, Miroku, Sango, Kikyo and Kouga on staff!
1. We hope you enjoy your stay

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Inuyasha in any way, shape or form…

**A/N:** New fic! Yay Hopefully over the summer I'll actually be able to _finish_ this one. ;;

**Hotel Horror**

**Be Our Guest!**

Kagome stared at her plate trying to look as entertained as possible as the drone of her school trip surrounded her.

"Higurashi, are you alright?" Her eyes slowly focused on Hojo's concerned face peering into hers. Quickly plastering on her best smile, Kagome nodded and gave a non-committal answer. Hojo gave her one of his vacant little smiles and returned to his conversation with her other classmates around her.

Slightly dejected, she turned back to her dinner and fiddled with her pasta with the French name that she couldn't pronounce. If she squinted hard enough, it started to resemble her cat, Buyo. Kagome glanced around the five-star restaurant and had to restrain herself from sighing in boredom. Although her peers were everywhere in the fancy restaurant dubbed Le Mer, she couldn't help but feel alone – her friends all had other plans for the summer, so Kagome was alone with only Hojo to keep her company.

This was going to be the longest summer yet.

By now this must have been the 30th time she feigned interest in some stupid conversation they were having about…Kagome listened and shuddered. _Math?!_ Why would they talk about math of all things? They just got out of school for heaven's sake! Kagome certainly had enough of all subjects for one school year to last her three lifetimes. For the first time Kagome wished she had something to distract her.

To her surprise and delight, a light tune sounded from her bag.

_I wish I had a million dollars!_ Kagome thought hopefully as she pressed her tiny mobile phone to her ear and murmured as quietly as possible, "Hello?"

"Kagome?!" she managed to hear three unmistakably shrilly voices over the static, and from the looks she was receiving from some of the other diners, they could too. "Kagome? Did you guys get to Hojo's Hotel yet? How are the rooms? Are we missing anything good? Did anything _happen_ between you and Hojo yet?! Spill Kag, spill!"

Kagome flushed bright pink, already feeling the startled stares from Hojo and her classmates around her and she tried to cover as much of the earpiece as humanely possible, but it was futile and the damage was done. Turning to her classmates, she tried to keep the embarrassment out of her voice when she stammered loudly to cover her friends' voices, "I think I'll take this call outside, thanks," and then she all but ran from the restaurant.

"What are you guys _doing_," Kagome hissed venomously into her phone at her three friends, as she stormed out of the pair of oak doors leading to the restaurant, slipping into an empty elevator. "I can't believe you guys!" she grouched, and when she noticed the man in the funny uniform looking at her expectantly she snapped, "Penthouse! I mean he could hear you guys! They _all_ could hear you guys!"

"Aww…come on Kag, we were just playing around!" she could hear Ayumi's pouting voice, and she vaguely registered that they were over a hundred miles away, probably having fun with Yuka and Eri at the mall or at a fast food place. It didn't help her mood that she was stuck in this stuffy elevator with a man who looked like he could have been a trained monkey. He was certainly eyeballing her like an animal… "So, really, how's everything? Are you alright?"

Her bad mood slowly evaporated as she described in gossip-worthy detail the extent of the luxuries she had in the hotel. "The dinner was awesome! I haven't seen my room yet, but by the looks of the rest of the place, even the smallest room here would be amazing! Hojo was telling us that there are entertainment systems in some of the rooms, and the bathrooms are built for _celebrities_!"

The elevator opened with a soft ping, and Kagome lightly stepped out of it, glad to get away from the creepy man, and chattering light-heartedly with her friends. "Well, Kagome looks like you're having fun! Mom's calling so we've gotta run! We'll check up on you and Hojo later on. Don't do anything we wouldn't do!" Yuka said wickedly and Kagome disconnected with a beep.

She glanced at her little card which they all were given at the beginning of their little trip. Hojo's parents owned a small, but fancy chain of hotels around Japan, and were kind enough to pay for their whole class to go on a summer-long trip. As she slid her key in the door and entered her room, Kagome couldn't help but feel a small twinge of guilt as she stared around her at her luxurious room. For all that she whined to her friends and in her brain, she sure got a wonderful room. It almost looked like…

"A suite!" she whispered breathily.

A big stab of guilt hit her as she wandered her expansive room. The floors were wood with beautiful rugs and coffee tables, the T.V. was huge, and there were two couches, a massive refrigerator and one king-sized canopy bed. The bathroom boasted a large sit-or-stand shower and huge Jacuzzi with jets. The floors and counters were marble and there was enough shampoo and conditioner to last her the whole summer. She had a hunch that the other student's rooms weren't as well-furbished as her – her friends figured Hojo had a crush on her – and this nearly confirmed it.

"It just screams, 'I like you!'" Kagome giggled.

And in the middle of her new palace, there sat a jar of bath salt, a bouquet of a dozen roses with a bottle of champagne, and a plate of chocolate-dipped strawberries. Both had cards. Curious, Kagome flopped down on the feathery couch, popped a strawberry in her mouth and read musingly, "Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Jennifer Lopez on your wedding! Please accept these as gifts. With love, the staff?" _Whatever…_ she thought, shrugged, and happily took another strawberry from the tray. Before she could stop herself, Kagome plucked one slender rose from its bouquet, sniffed the flower and sighed. In mid-reach for the bottle, Kagome decided against it. She was after all, underage. She'd call housekeeping later about the champagne, but she'd definitely keep the roses and chocolates.

Finally, she turned and read the third card it had a familiar student's scrawl on it, "Higurashi, these therapeutic bath salts are supposed to help you relax! Hope you like them! Hojo."

Not even bothering to unpack, Kagome tottered over to her bed and flopped onto it unceremoniously and nearly purred out of content. This summer didn't seem to look so bad…

_I could get used to this._

Both computers beeped furiously, as the two typed frantically on their keyboards.

The tension in the room was mounting, and beads of sweat slowly inched along their faces. Thousands of monitors were in the room, flitting back and forth to show various places around the hotel, but everyone's attention was on the two blipping computer screens. The only sounds in the room besides dinky game music were groans of frustration, victorious yells and the munching of pizza.

"WHOO HOO!" Miroku screamed and leapt from his chair doing his ritual victory dance, "Double kill!"

"What are you talking about?!" Inuyasha yelled angrily banging a fist on the table, "One of them was a TK! That was me you bouzo!"

"On the contrary, Inuyasha, I do believe I won fair and square," Miroku said smugly as he leaned back into his chair with a smirk, "You're just a poor newbie compared to my superior skill and finesse."

Inuyasha took his frustrations out by drumming his claws onto the table while glaring angrily at the monitors, daring any fishy business to cross his view. They had to do security duty for over 7 hours now, as punishment for upsetting the guests. _Only pushed the fucking brat into the pool!_ He thought sourly. Now he was stuck with the pervert, it was just like detention – in the summer. Scanning the monitors, he nudged Miroku. "Wanna play some CounterBound?"

Just as they were recommencing their internet-pizza-brawl, the door swung in to reveal a very annoyed lifeguard.

"What are you bozos _doing_ in here?!" Sango said as she looked exasperatedly at the two who were guiltily peering at her over their computers which aptly chirped in a robotic voice, "_XSageZeroX__ did a double kill in room 204._" Rolling her eyes, she began her rant, "Gosh, I can't leave you two alone for a minute can I?" Their lady friend scanned both of their computers muttering, "I swear if I hear of you two downloading porn again on the company's computer, I'll tell the boss!"

"You two?!" Inuyasha protested, "There's only one pervert in this room!"

"Nice to see that you're owning up for your obscene behavior, Inuyasha," Miroku gravely said.

Ignoring them Sango rambled on, "What if someone were murdered? Or a thief got in? The cops still never caught that whats-his-name serial killer that goes after the celebs – what would people say if Jennifer Lopez was murdered in our hotel?!"

Miroku's eyes lit up, "J Lo is in our hotel?!"

Sango opened her mouth to respond, but decided on a flat look before continuing, "Anyway, we're short-handed since that Naraku guy sued our last two shifts of lifeguards for breaking a priceless heirloom or something…so you guys got duty with me and Kouga for this whole summer. So Boss says to get your asses on up before guests start drowning on us. Oh there's going to be a lot of highschoolers – Boss's boss brought his kid and all of his friends over for the summer. So be prepared."

Inuyasha and Miroku exchanged grim glances – they knew just what they needed.

"Coppertone?" Sango asked incredulously, "I tell you to mount up for poolside hell, and you only bring suntan lotion?!"

She watched in disbelief as the two took off their shirts to reveal tans and toned muscles to the crowd of highschool girls below them in the pool. _Men,_ Sango thought as she snorted. The trio passed Kikyo's stand, grabbing towels as they headed towards their posts. The towel woman merely nodded to them from her shady position under the umbrella as greeting. They passed the Coppertone back and forth making a show of it, grinning when some of the girls began to stare.

"This isn't _only_ suntan lotion!" Inuyasha said, mortally offended, clutching the bottle to his chest. "This little beauty is the reason for our success! SPF 15, UV Protection, yet gives a sexy tan. Women love this stuff!" He twitched his fuzzy ears and combed his hair with his fingers. Several girls sighed.

"Success?" Sango scoffed, "Maybe on Mars! But that doesn't work better than my Baby," she cooed as she fingered her shiny blue whistle hanging around her neck.

She did have a point, Sango was the only one of the three to carry a whistle. But theirs was taken away when they blasted their whistles in time to "Jingle Bells". It was the most important tool of a lifeguard, and it looked damn cool. As long as you had one, you could get anyone's attention in the pool. But you'd have to pull teeth to get them to admit it.

"Ah, Sango, you lack the vision to see the power of a suntan," Miroku said applying generously to his back and arms. "A good tan," he flexed, "can hold thousands of highschool girls at bay."

He nearly fell of his lifeguard stand when Sango pelted him with her own sunscreen bottle.

"You got off easy, I'm just too hot to go over there and hit you myself," Sango said angrily with a tinge of pink on her cheeks. Whether it was from the sun or from the exertion of throwing the sunscreen, the swimmers never knew, but Miroku seemed to guess the reason and grinned saucily at his co-worker, who blush increased and jammed a pair of sunglasses on her face and scanned the pool, looking everywhere other than him.

She spotted trouble instantly; a girl appeared to have drowned and was now in the arms of Inuyasha. His ears were twitching frantically now trying to pick up sounds of breathing and heartbeat, and his eyes were scanning her for injuries or breathing – if Sango didn't know any better she'd say he was checking her out.

"Girl," he said nervously - or was that impatience she heard - while shaking her lightly. No response. "Girl," he barked more firm this time, definitely impatient this time, and shaking her a bit harder. No response. "Oi! Stupid bint!" he yelled the girl jerked in his arms eyes startled, "I know you're not dead so stop asking for a mouth-ta-mouth! You want that next time drown by Miroku." The girl was blushing bright red by now as all eyes at the big pool were trained on her and the white haired hanyo. Shaking her head, Sango returned to what she was previously doing.

There was a splash and a scream of surprise as Inuyasha carelessly tossed the girl back into the water. Hopefully to drown for real.


	2. Falling Hard

**Disclaimer:** I wish I owned Inuyasha! …Awww shucks…

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long to update!!! I've been busy doing lifeguarding of my own, not to mention summer reading…Thanks to all the reviewers and whatnot. I thought I'd better get the second chapter out before summer really _does_ end ;; okay, okay, I'll shut up and get on with the story!

**Hotel Horror**

**Falling Hard**

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Kagome jolted out of bed, staring frantically at her unfamiliar surroundings looking for what had woken her up. Her drowsy eyes slowly focused on the telephone which was shrilling in her dark room. Blinking the sleep from her eyes she pressed the phone to her ear and groggily muttered, "H-hello?"

"Hello," a sickly sweet and chipper voice said, "Your party has set a 5:30 wake up call! All persons with the school is to report downstairs for lunch and a poolside activity." And with that, the operator hung up with a final click before Kagome's brain had a chance to process an insult to hurl at her.

Blearily, she looked at her clock before groaning. 5:15 glowed in red letters back at her. Muffling yawns groans, and curses, Kagome hauled protesting body to the bathroom, into a bathing suit and clothes, down the elevator, and into a small café. Hojo saw her and immediately waved her over and patted a place beside him.

Kagome mustered her best "early-bird" smile and chatted with Hojo and his friends while munching on whatever was in her plate.

"We were just saying that we're going to take snorkeling lessons in the pool while we're here, Kagome," Hojo informed her.

"How can someone snorkel in the pool? Don't you need like a reef or something?" Kagome asked around a mouthful of scone.

"Nah!" someone exclaimed, "Did you see the _size_ of this pool? It's massive! And it's deep, and heated. It's almost as if we were at the beach itself! Our whole class could fit in the pool."

"And the hotel! Hojo your family must be extremely loaded! It's huge!"

"Well, Otou-san did say that even he doesn't know everything about this hotel. It was supposed to be an ancient castle or something," Hojo responded modestly.

"Wow! I bet you could get lost and not find your way out for years!" one girl said dramatically.

"So did you hear Kagome," one of the girls said to her with a twinkle in her eye, "the lifeguards here are to _die _for! I can't wait to go down to the pool and see!"

The girls around them began to chip in all that they'd heard and saw of the hotel's lifeguards. The conversation ranged from fairly normal descriptions – tall, dark, ponytail and earrings – to downright farfetched – white hair and doggie ears, but all of the girls seemed to have the same conclusion: lifeguards were the sole boy-treat of the summer. Some even suggested drowning on purpose. Hojo began to look dejected as the conversation swerved off into an unpleasant tangent.

Peering over her breakfast, Kagome just rolled her eyes. They don't even know what these guys were like and they've already got their grandkids named. She turned her ear to a sensible speaker; it was obviously a boy. "Yeah," they said, "But I heard that a girl got dumped in the pool by one of them! They sound like jerks to me. What if she drowned? Isn't there some kind of law against that?"

Kagome didn't really know much about laws – except what she'd seen on Judge Judy, but whoever would throw an innocent into a pool was certainly not worth ogling at all summer. Jerks like that were the last things from hot. She continued to listen to the gossip until someone asked her to put in her two cents. When she voiced her opinion, some rolled their eyes, some laughed, and Hojo looked considerably happier.

Not that Kagome wasn't interested in looking at boys, because she couldn't object to the nice flash of coppery skin that she'd seen on the male lifeguards, but she'd much rather explore the extravagant hotel that they'd spend the next two months in. So far all she'd seen was the lobby, elevator, and the small café; she had little time for anything else. And from what she watched on her telly, anything else was a lot more than she'd expected. When their little brochure said "and much more", it really meant more!

Several minutes and full bellies later, the small high school group made it to the pool after a heated discussion on how to split the tab. Hojo had tried to insist to pay the bill, but the others wouldn't hear of it. So they opted to go through the meticulous procedure of dividing and adding up their totals. When they came up short on cash, however, Hojo had sighed and produced the remainder while the others looked on sheepishly.

Kagome and the girls wandered the pool eagerly for chairs while the boys retrieved towels from a pretty woman behind the counter. Unable to stop them, she was shoved and jostled past a gigantic waterslide, over a rope-and-plank bridge, through a fountain, finally stopping by a bunch of vacant seats near volleyball net…and a lifeguard stand. She nearly snorted as she heard them giggle and stare openly up at the tall, dark, imitating figures seated atop the lifeguard chairs.

After having several long lectures on skin cancer drilled into her brain by her mother, Kagome dutifully fished the sun block from her bag and applied generously and watched the boys approach with their arms full of light green towels and a white ball.

"Ladies," one of the fellows said with a grin, "Are you up for some volleyball?"

Inuyasha grouched as he clambered up the ladder to his spot in the lifeguard post. Because of his escapade with that high school girl, his boss threatened to fire him. Fortunately for Inuyasha his half-demon attributes made him an irreplaceable lifeguard – his amplified senses could hear a distressed swimmer from anywhere in the big pool – so his job was safe. Unfortunately, his boss detailed him an all day shift as punishment, which included mornings.

Inuyasha was _not_ a morning person.

Sango had kicked him out of bed at an hour that no man should be forced to be awake to see with that violent round-house kick of hers and warned him not to come back until his face was red as a tomato. Miroku had just smirked from his place in front of the PC playing CounterBound, eyes never leaving the blipping screen.

Needless to say Inuyasha delivered him a good-morning punch in the gut.

He glared out at the vast pool and stuffed his Oakley sunglasses into place, while smearing Coppertone over his sensitive nose and fluffy ears. With the dark, reflective sunglasses on, he could catch up on some much-needed beauty sleep while it would appear to everyone else that an attentive, hanyou lifeguard was carefully monitoring the poolside.

The sun's heat and the sounds of water soothed the tired lifeguard into a light sleep…

"Papa, throw me up!" squealed a high-pitched voice.

"Okay, ready Shippo-chan?" replied a deep male voice.

"You two be careful over there!" the loud motherly patronizing made Inuyasha twitch in his light snooze.

"One, two, THREE!"

A scream of delight rang in the air, closely followed by a loud splash.

Inuyasha's ears folded back against his head in an attempt to block out the sound – but to no avail. With a roar of frustration, he threw his sunglasses off and resumed staring at the pool, glaring at all the happy guests frolicking _loudly_ around the pool.

It wasn't long before Miroku showed up, dragging his tired body away from the staff lounge, Sango, and his precious PC. The sight of the red handprint on his face made Inuyasha snort. "Was wondering when she'd boot you out," he taunted smugly.

The human groaned, "I didn't even have morning shift! Ah, Sango will be the death of me."

"If you keep on groping her, she will," Inuyasha retorted, "When are you going to learn, bozo?"

"It's my hands!" Miroku insisted, "They have a mind of their own!"

"When are you going to tell her how you feel about her?"

"When you go over to the towel stand and ask Kikyo to reconsider dumping your ass," Miroku replied nonplused.

"What do you know about it?!" Inuyasha replied huffily.

"Inuyasha, I know as much about women as you know about hair care," Miroku retorted dryly.

"Was that supposed to be an insult?!"

"No, no, I think your attention to your hair is very _masculine._"

"Why I outta – "

"Keep it DOWN!" Kikyo commanded sharply from her booth, "You're ruining the business!"

With a snort, Inuyasha went back to watching the pool through his precious Oaklies. He fingered his whistle threateningly at a passerby whose pace was questionable…_I wonder if he's running?...Looks like running to me!_ He thought, smirking evilly at the strolling, unsuspecting guest.

A sharp blast pierced through the air followed by Inuyasha's sharp voice, "You there! Guy with the board shorts that even Dennis Rodman wouldn't wear! I'm talking to you buddy! Stop running!"

Miroku chortled from his chair. Smirking, Inuyasha leaned back into his seat, filled with satisfaction. Ah…this is what his job's about. Eyes stared at the lifeguard curiously, and he became aware of the attention.

Another equally sharp blast sounded and Inuyasha was back on his feet, "You! Michael Jackson lady with the man-beard! Yeah you! Stop gawping at me and get back to whatever the hell you were doing!"

Half an hour later, his side of the pool was completely deserted.

"Inuyasha, you should learn to use manners," Miroku chided him, as remaining people skittered away from their watch.

"Feh, whatever."

"I'm serious, someone might complain."

"Feh."

"You're not paying attention are you?"

"Bah."

"So, did you know Kikyo's quitting her job to raise armadillos in Portugal with Brad Pit?"

"Mmm hmm…wait, what?"

"Nothing, nothing."

The hanyou drummed his claws on the stand. God he was bored. _Got to get out of here…_he thought wearily applying his fifth layer of sunscreen, _How __could anyone in their right mind take this job? You just fucking sit here!_ He thought angrily. Right now Miroku's probably getting tons of points on the computer game he had worked so hard to beat the stupid bozo at.

Not that he didn't like his job, because he'll be dammed if he lost it. Boss-man was all right, as far as bosses go. He took him in when it was extremely hard for hanyou's to get a job, what with the whole people vs. youkai political war going on. No one tended to trust a mix of the breed – except Boss-man. He was pretty cool for a human, and Inuyasha's skills as a lifeguard were as priceless as Kouga's or Sango's.

And, Inuyasha had to admit (grudgingly), that the pay wasn't half-assed. He got to afford the luxuries in life, and got to live at a hotel. Plenty of babes checked in and out all the time. Of course it was any hanyou's…or male's fucking dream come fucking true. In Inuyasha and Miroku's minds anyway.

The staff weren't so bad either. Sango, Miroku and he had formed a kind of violent and odd friendship. Complete with insults, morning kicks, gropes, and slaps. And hey! The Internet bill was free, and the job came with a dental plan. After all, Inuyasha couldn't have been a stud without his pearly white fangs.

To make matters worse a group of giggling girls made their way over to the chairs near his post. _What a bunch of stupid females_, he thought thoroughly disgusted as they pointed and stared openly at him. He glared threateningly at them while applying more sunblock. _I mean I know I'm a stud but this is ridiculous! I guess it can't get worse than_–

"Hey, dog turd!"

_Aw shit…_

"Looks like I got the morning shift with you!" Kouga grinned evilly at Inuyasha from the other end of the pool. "What's wrong? Got sunscreen stuck in those ears of yours?"

"Oi, wimpy wolf! You better shut your trap before I go over there and kick your ass into the pool!" he yelled angrily, pounding his fist into the lifeguard chair. The parents that still lingered within hearing distance of the grumpy hanyou glared at him and covered their children's ears.

"Ah, Inuyasha," Miroku rebuked, "You should really watch your language. You're making the children's ears bleed," he said pointing to the bawling children.

"Yeah, well if Kouga doesn't shut the fuck up that won't be all that's bleeding!" he snarled angrily at the wolf.

"I'm quivering in my sexy board shorts!" Kouga shot back, flashing the giggling females a grin.

"Bah! Not even Dennis Rodman would wear those!"

"Inuyasha, that joke only works once a day…perhaps only once a month," came Miroku's interjection in the heated argument.

"Can't think of any other insults insolent puppy?" Kouga taunted smugly.

"Oh go screw a penguin!" _…he's right damn him!_

"I didn't know you liked that kind of think, Inuyasha!"

Loud clicks of heels on tile announced the arrival of a pissed off towel woman, "You, three, shut up before Boss grills your asses! I can hear you from across the pool!" Kikyo snapped.

"Yes, Inuyasha, I strongly recommend you to give up, clearly Kouga's skill in this sort of fighting far outsmarts yours," the human sagely advised.

"Miroku, shut the fuck up and find something else to occupy your mind!"

"The testosterone levels here are unhealthy! Stop it!" Kikyo ordered.

"Stay out of this!" Inuyasha barked.

"Ignoring me now are you, puppy?"

"Inuyasha, as you've noticed, Sango has proven to me that she _can_ read minds, and she _will_ issue pain when I think such thoughts."

"**I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU!**" Inuyasha growled, jumping up in his seat.

"Now, now, what would the boss say?" Miroku clucked.

"Honestly, did you see your doctor about anger management?" Kikyo asked coldly.

"Hah! I'd like to see you try! Like a little puppy like you could scare me!"

"Can too!"

"Can not!"

"The idiocy here is too much," Kikyo snorted stalking back, heels clicking loudly on the poolside floor.

"Can too!"

"Oh god…" Miroku said with dread.

"What is it?!" Kouga and Inuyasha asked, looking around alarmed. If the boss caught them like this…

"For once I must agree with Kikyo – this is immature…" Miroku sighed.

"ARGH!"

"Can not!"

"Can too!"

"Can not to infinity!"

"Can too to infinity plus one!"

"Can not to the infinite power times infinity!"

_It was going to be one of those days…_

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Kagome sighed as she wandered hopelessly around unfamiliar territory. Humming a random tune, she scanned the area for anyone remotely human. She passed what seemed like thousands upon thousands of rooms with the antique decoration theme: wood, dark, and scary people, portraits all along the sides. The same velvety red rug under her feet that she'd gotten shocked numerous times when reaching towards a brass doorknob or metal frame.

Fear had long since taken residence, not that she was scared of the stupid portraits that seemed to follow her every move, and not that she was avoiding Hojo and company, because they were a blast and their day was fun and it wasn't even noon…but…

She was hopelessly, undeniably lost.

All that she knew was that she somehow stumbled upon a tropical room with massive trees, both real and fake, that loomed over her and seemed to stretch into forever above her head. She decided this room would be much more comfortable to settle down in if she were to be lost. And there was even company, a rather talkative Taro, albeit he was slightly annoying and was a bird…She had spent the past hour trying to strike up a conversation with the dumb bird in hopes of a thoughtful trainer who had taught the colorfully plumaged bird how to repeat directions.

"Squak! Squak! Polly want a cracker!"

Scratch that – she was hopelessly, undeniably lost and was about to lose the remainder of her sanity to a bird.

"You stupid parrot," Kagome sighed wearily at her partner, "You're name is Taro!" She retracted her hand away from the sign that said "Hello! My name is Taro. Talk to me!" hastily, remembering that no, birds can't read, and two, she was having a pointless conversation with a bird who thought its name was Polly.

After their game of volleyball, the girls decided to take a trip to the spa, and the guys to the game room. After wandering around for a good 20 minutes separated from her friends, Kagome realized a couple of things:

1. She had no idea where the spa was.

2. She should ask for directions.

3. She was in a deserted part of the hotel with only a parrot to talk to.

4. All she had was her bathing suit, watch, and a towel.

After fruitless attempts to find her way to the spa, Kagome sat near the bird and resolved to wait until someone had to feed him…or her? Polly was an English girl's name…right? In any case, Taro couldn't just sit here all the time – surely someone cared for him enough to feed and water him, perhaps even move him to a sleeping area at night…preferably somewhere away from where anyone could here him…or her, she amended silently in her head.

She settled herself down in the embrace of a giant tree, plopping down near the base of its colossal trunk. Leaning her head on it for support, she had to admit that being here was peaceful and gave her a chance to think, about her life, her future and her relationships.

Her friends were constantly pushing her and Hojo together, and while she was extremely flattered with his attentions, gifts, dates, and extravagant room, she couldn't help but feel that…

Well…Hojo was a bit of a lump.

He was charming, handsome, rich, and extremely nice, but on the whole, Kagome found him dull. Of course she'd never voice her opinion aloud to her friends or family or anyone, and she hardly admitted it to herself, but frankly Hojo just wasn't The One. Her friends had called her naïve, but she held fast to her belief. No matter how many "dates" or gifts she went on, she couldn't bring herself to look at Hojo that way…and yet she couldn't find the heart to tell him so.

She glanced at her watch. "Two thirty-three?" she said aloud in surprise and whistled. It had meant that she'd been here for at least three hours. She eagerly looked at her skin. "Do I look any darker to you, Taro-chan?" Kagome asked the bird sweetly.

He looked at her as if to say, "Are you kidding?"

"Well, gee," she griped, "If I'm fishing for a compliment I sure won't ask you! If I don't get any darker, that'll be a disappointment, but as long as I don't freckle, I'll be fine."

Their conversation dwindled, which conversations do when only one member is constantly talking, and the other is repeating "Polly want a cracker" every two minutes, so Kagome did her check for any other life forms and dejectedly found none. But her eyes did find an English sign at the corner of one room. Squinting at it, Kagome tried to remember her classes and letters.

"E…eg…eg-shit? Eg…ex-stra…" she mumbled staring at the unfamiliar glowing red letters, "Ex-si-to…no that doesn't sound right…damn!"

Giving up on the sign, her thoughts wandered around until she began recalling her last year of middle school. High school entrance exams had finished, and Kagome had yet to receive any news to which school she'd be attending the following year, and although it was the beginning of summer, she and her mother were very worried. And with her grandpa's failing health, her family really needed her to get a degree and a job.

Kagome recalled with a grimace of the late night conversations she'd had with her extremely agitated mother. They had explored all of the options, and had narrowed down to two…the first: getting a job to help support the Shrine was highly unlikely because she was so young, but it was Kagome's preferred plan because the second…

"Polly hungry!"

_Oh dear…_

Thoughts of her family's plight were chased away with the reminder of her company. With a furtive glance at the bird's feeder, she realized that it had been empty for quite some time. No doubt the result of neglect or inability to find Taro in the massive reaches of the hotel. Her first reaction was pity. No wonder the blasted thing yabbered on so much! It lacked company of any sort. Reaching a tentative hand out towards the creature, she let it rest on her hand as she ran her fingers across its glossy back, cooing reassuringly.

Her mind wandered as she babbled to the bird, motherly instincts reaching out to the obviously neglected and attention-craving parrot. All smiles, Kagome turned to the bird and chatted on and on as if it could understand her. _After all,_ she thought, _animals respond well to a kind voice and gentle hand._

"Don't worry, Taro, I'll keep you company," she baby-talked to the bird as it blinked curiously at her, "I'll teach you how to solve equations!"

"So…for example, you have 'x2y=15' and '25x=y'…first you have to carry the 2y, subtract it from both sides…show your work…and simplify…then you use the property of whats-his-face…"

"…and that is how we get: '2yx=15' and 'y=25x'…no…I think I explained that all wrong…I hate math…"

"On the bright side, someone will have to come eventually."

Hopefully a nice tanned cute lifeguard. 

"And then we'll take you to sunflower-seed heaven!"

Having a lifeguard rescuer would be heaven… 

Her eyes fluttered shut and she took a nap.

Kagome didn't want to wake up, she was warm and cozy in her dream's embrace. But wakefulness persisted, tugging her dream away and out of her memory, where it would be a forgotten part of her subconscious. For a little while she kept still, her eyes shut, in hopes of the pleasant dream to come back and sleep to reclaim her. But while her mind wished to go back to sleep, her senses protested and became more alert to her surroundings so that it became impossible to deny that she was, infact, awake.

Stretching with a yawn, Kagome tried to remember her dreams, and failed.

"Wow," she said glancing at her watch, "6:30?" she squinted as if it would make the little numbers appear differently. She remembered being lost, finding a parrot, and falling asleep. "I guess no one came for me…I guess no one will…"

Her own words weighted her heart, and she jolted into full wakefulness and full paranoia.

"OhmiGodOmiGodOmiGod!" she screamed, as Taro squaked from his position next to her. "What if I _die_ in here, Taro?! All alone! Without anyone! It's a big hotel right? Even Hojo said that his father could get lost in it! What'll I do?! What'll I eat?! Where will I sleep?"

Kagome began to hyperventilate as her imagination roamed wild.

"How will my family get on without me?! Will I die of starvation?! MAMA! SOUTA! JIICHAN! BUYO! HOJO!!!"

As if thoroughly disgusted by her behavior, the bird took off in flight, finding a haven in one of massive trees.

"Taroo!" She called pleadingly, "Come back!"

Exhausted, despite the fact that she just woke from her sleep, Kagome slumped back into her tree with a devastated sigh.

"Help me…" she whimpered, eyes filling up with unshed tears.

Kagome expected to die, alone, crying in this room without anyone and with all her dreams incomplete. She didn't expect what happened next.

"What the – **_FUCKING BIRD!_**"

Kagome whipped her head towards the sound, eyes still shiny and wide.

"Polly hungry!" she heard the bird insist.

"Yeah well, you're sure as hell not going to get any food from me – OW THAT HURT YOU STUPID CHICKEN!"

The last thing Kagome remembered was someone yelling and the sound of twigs breaking above her.

Inuyasha shot up off of the ground. He was extremely pissed, and one little feather ball was going to feel his wrath! Too long he had waited to get off duty, too long had Kouga tried his patience, and this bird had to come and make his day a living hell!

Preparing to spring off of the ground to leap after the bird, he felt something quite unlike the floor.

It was rather squishy.

Glancing wide-eyed down at the ground below him, Inuyasha said to himself for the second time:

_Aw shit…_

A/N: Love it? Hate it? Review please! Until next time! Ja-ne!


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